Everyone loves Mario Balotelli. He is that Black Italian that demanded a kiss from the queen of England, had he saved them from World Cup shame. He is the striker also famous for flashing the "Why Always Me" shirts when he scores. Yeah, that is him. With that said, this was never about him though I deemed it wise to explain the origin of the title.
This would be the 7-day diary of the most gentle politician there seems to have been and will ever be in the Pearl Of Africa. A lot has happened lately in the life of Honorable John Patrick Amama Mbabazi and I had the chance to squeeze it all in seven days or a little longer:
I am JPAM. I am the Prime Minister of Uganda. I am almost there. Wait, what is this I am reading in the papers? Office of the Prime Minister fraud!! There is fraud right under my nose!! These allegations of corruption show up every other day. I am certain this smoke is not because there is a fire & it will be put out. With my office, I have the power to silence this kind of mambo-jambo in the OPM.
The old and wise man with the hat has summoned an urgent sitting in Kyankwanzi. I, as the PM, will be there briefly. I am certain it has nothing to do with the corruption cases in my offices. I and the old man go back a long way. He can't summon a session to discuss his mate. Non the less, I am now on my way to the land that bore me for another Resolution as "we" think for Uganda & Ugandans as well.
I knew it was nothing to do with OPM. This trip is very much fun now. We have a small problem though. The Uganda Cranes are playing today at Namboole and I am the only dignatory that can show up with luck. Mzee was so understanding that he let me cut my trip short so that I can come back and watch Geoffrey Massa "Ripper of Nets," (does the Doro Massa dance) and Emma Okwi "Dribbler of Men." The Lord has been merciful to us all and we have recorded another victory at home. Thank you Uganda Cranes.
The youth section of the party is getting ahead of themselves. I have ha-heard that they believe I can lead Uganda to the Promised land. This is no "Moses" bible story time. Mzee is my ndugu and I cannot backstab him. How do I even start circulating this agenda on the table of men? Let me just respect the queue as I know what wanting to jump it did to the doctor. As for the doctor, he has little blood in his teargas. I don't want to end up like him. The Lord is good brothers & sisters. Church service was on point
I thought only the youth had a problem. It turns out my wife shares their idea. Maybe, just maybe, Uganda needs me. Rules are meant to be broken. The queue won't jump itself, someone has to jump it.
I do have a compelling reason to consider running for President.
I think I am ready for 2016. When are the party primaries? I should give Mzee a run for his money. By the looks of things, my support is growing by the day. Let's do this.
Unbelievable!!! I have been sacked from my office. Even my bodyguards have been withdrawn. I didn't know I was stiff competition this early. Someone help me tell Mzee he's making an error. It looks like he moved on and has actually replaced me with another Ndugu. Is this what they plotted while I was away jubilating with Massa & Don Jazzy? (Does the Doro Massa dance) How am I going to tell my wife that I have been fired? Does this mean I join the aleady worringly many unemployed Ugandans? I need me a job as soon as possible because my sacking just got real.
Despite my sacking, I am still important. I have been invited at a Luweero church's fundraiser as their Chief Guest. Wait, Hajji is their party chairperson and has just cancelled the invitation. He says I am now a nobody. I am starting to believe there are mafias hunting me down but just like Uganda's golden boy Eddy Kenzo, Nze Sitya Loss Ndi Boss. I will go to support the cranes tonight.
You have to be kidding me! I have been reliably informed that my successor is already on his way there and my presence is not required. I will stay home and watch Bukedde TV. Hehehe, the Cranes have lost the game. I am starting to believe I was their good luck gem. Goodnight Uganda, sorry about the Cranes' loss.
Today is a new day. Let us forget last evening and focus on a positive day. Jesus Christ!!!! How come I am nolonger the Party's Secretary General? When was this made to happen? Can't we just all get along without hurting one another's feelings? Even the little I had has been taken from me. Why Always me?
What a rough 7 days plus the gentleman has had to endure!! Why Always Amama?