Monday, 23 March 2015

The gods must be crazy.

The only sequel aside that of Home Alone I played through out my childhood and still do, to date is The gods must be crazy. Mr Xi and his kids really defined, in an interesting way, the beauty of poor communication & the glistening diverse land that Africa is. I adore Mama Africa, I love the fact that I am African. Africa has a gold coast, an Ivory Coast, a diamond basin and a Pearl.

I hail from the Pearl Of Africa, Uganda, somewhere close to the base of the yellow regime I was born and raised in. One has to give it to them. They have done their part. It is not easy to bring your people the World Cup, the Eclipse, CHOGM, Radio & Weasel, Golola Moses. Golola Moses makes women pregnant just by looking at them: this is an absolute teller for the way our population growth index has sky-rocketted ever since Mr Moses burst onto the scene. As if that is not enough, they have influenced sports officials to hand out random yellow cards to sports men, as a sign of membership, so witty a move. They have made us a happy people. The bars never close, rolex stands rise faster than the sun in the morning, Zari is reportedly a musician. Generally, we have been pampered. Unfortunatey, even the gods that keep the national operation in check have been affected. Such pampering has gotten to them too,they have abandoned their duties and this has left the society in total disarray.

Allow me highlight a few pointers that eeriely show the obvious trepidation of the gods to take matter into their own winds.

1. Strikes at Universities:
Standards have it that if you left university without witnessing and battling with the police in a strike, then you lived a "fake" life. The reasons that students present of late leave a lot to be desired. A privately sponsored student staging a demo against a 60% Tuition policy at the start of a semester is an occassion that may not hold water. Education is imminently not free if you are categorised at "privately" sponsored. Today, students will stage a strike about being given more than one course work assignment in a week.
The gods are entirely to blame for such high grade laziness.

2. NWSC
It utterly spells disaster when the national handler of water and it's resources announces a glitch in transmission. In case of a dry season, water shortages are 100% bad news as the stench that describes public environment is not a very pleasant one, so pungent. The wet season may let them off the hook but we all know, geographically and tropically speaking, Uganda has seasons changing faster than water turbines.
Where are the gods when you need them? Wait, the rains have arrived. I guess they picked up the call after all.

3. Dollar Rate
I do have belief in Uncle Robert Mugabe. He must have determined the dollar rate in his nation to fend off Western familiarity. If only this was the case in Uganda! Ssekabaka Mwanga & Isingoma Rukidi Mpuuga would be damned to let the dollar exchange rate be so strenous to their people. They did all they could for the good of their land. The gods of old need to wake from the slumber and do something because for some of us intend to wed on water; the rate needs to stabilise and stay put.

4. UMEME & MTN
From Kampala to Kabaale, Soroti to Yumbe, Iganga to Nakasongola, they are lighting everywhere you go. Though, only a super calculator could arrange the combination for the number of times they have broken the hearts of Ugandans. The old folk have always reminded me of how such heartbreaks were myths in "their day." Those two culprits are like the habit of meeting a bulbous bottomed girl in a bar, take her home and then when you get back from the washroom after freshening up, you'll find she's left your place with a sweep cleaner than a hurricane. Nonetheless, you'll part yourself on the back for landing her and you'll look forward to episode two. It's just never over with that kind.

5. Uganda Cranes
We thank God for these sportsmen. It has been long since we were at a continental tourney and I believe history books may have forgotten of our existence. They have provided us with loads of "almost" performances but we have kept the faith in them so high. Only the work of the gods can bless their efforts for any chance at full potential and glory, but anything short of that, Sizza Diktionary will be convinved to release a song titled 'Almost.'

6. Tooro Kingdom
I think I missed the announcement but I am pretty sure HBO announced shooting of a Game Of Thrones Episode in Uganda. Prince David Kijanangoma, possibly of the house Baratheon claimed kingship of Tooro Kingdom from Oyo. Seriously, Omukama Kabarega didn't get exiled for Bunyoro-Kitara to have such meagre discrepancies lowkey dividing up one of the empire's kingdoms. For a modern society that had no mega monarchical feud, that was a shocking revelation.

I could go on and on and also rant about the nudes & sextape explosion but chances are high the honorable minister may label me a blogger-vendor of ponographic literature. I don't fancy jail at all. I will sit that one out.

Join this Surveyor as we pray for divine intervention from the gods.