Thursday, 5 May 2016

Meet Bad And News

In the weekend that would ensue, my friends and I would be in Kabutemba, Gomba district spreading goodwill and bringing smiles on people's faces.

This would be about the exact time we would be introduced to BAD and his brother, NEWS. Together, Bad News. They turn an event upside down and leave something like the cast of the walking dead on their trail.

These two made their breakout performance at the Kabutemba  project kasiki. All was to go well, and smooth, until they showed up for the kasiki. Theirs is a plan to get everyone on a cloud higher than the 9th then cross that name of their "To Disorganize List."

Out of the yellow (keeping all government protocols constant) it was decided that we would be hitting the Bugolobi based Gabiro for an evening of fun and dancing and seeing a few of Eve's finest grand daughters. There was a distortion in programming, but for only a "likkle" while. Of the things Eve assigned her granddaughters! Team Bad News fell prey. Bad was lost in a very fine girl. The mission got disrupted a bit because he needed to call her the morning after. Mr News regained sanity quite early, while Bad was launching another of his manifestos, to this new found constituent. News took to his poison, making sure everyone was drowning, well, to his pleasure. Much like Penguin in Gotham before he was taken to Arkam. Mr Bad returned to normal programming and decided that the dosages had to be improved. By the end of the kasiki, we were all angry but pleased with Bad News. Angry because we had two hours of sleep before the sun pierced through the sky. Happy because Team Bad News had decided to spread the gospel, from the "Bad News Bible" to Kabutemba goers.

Later that Friday evening, aboard the Kabutemba bus, Bad News resumed operations, taking in their own hands, the sanity of all the goers, inclusive of Ms Gravy and her Rastafarian friend. We met Rasta and Gravy on our way to Kabutemba, and being the loquacious people, we got them feeling part of the inner circle in no time. Comments were flying in from all corners and our newly inducted duo wasn't taking any prisoners as well. See, Gravy is the Olivia Pope, the fixer of this two-woman clique. She's the mummy, tough love, Miria Matembe-just to put  her in context. Rasta, on the other hand, is the life of the party. She's kinda like Tamale Mirundi; always in for a good joke but NBA(No Bullshit Allowed). Mirundi and Matembe huh!! Alright!

Landing after 2300HRS, so worn out but Bad & News were just starting. The tents got set up, the DJ started spinning and sleep slid to last position on the "To Do List" with the gospel according to TJ being preached. It was as simple as, "If you're still able to stand on one leg, then you're still sinning." Bad is a 5'8 bully while News is a 6'3 cunning fox. Bad is the stash taster, News being the brewer. Being the open minds, they got into everyone's space, making conversation and making sure "No alien had come to Kabutemba." The call to dinner fell on deaf ears because the Rolexes they had had on the way were surprisingly still in their systems. One of the inner circle members, let's call him Giant, had fallen. News had prescribed two shots of what was meant to be whisky only for him to go deam a few moments later. The reign of Bad News had officially started.

Much as we loved to carry on the fun, Saturday promised to be hectic and even Bad News scampered for sanity into their tents. We said a few prayers for the people that had brought us to Kabutemba. God didn't hear our prayers much, TJ and BaSe were lead councillors. Yes, TJ was Bad. BaSe was News. TJ BaSe, something like MTV Base, but for Bad News. Try imagining what words of encouragement they (Bad & News) had for the humble Kabutemba folks. The project was a success with this two man tag team switching from drug dispensary in one moment, to the literacy section in another moment, to counselling, all in a day's work. Who would have thought?

We were paid a rude visit by the skies but this couldn't put Kanye and West down. Kanye and his buddy, West, had a well laid out plan for the evening. The counter was acting up but Ms Gravy, being the mixologist that she was,  concocted a solution comprising of pineapples, something in the ranges of Richot(maybe) and another something we are yet to come to terms with. Even the writer isn't/wasn't sure. All the mixing was happening under the watchful eye of Bad and News. After a session of kissing and hugging with Tusker, coupled by waiting for dinner, P.E Cuffie was amongst the premium victims of non certified dosage of Gravy's concoction. Mr Cuffie went on to suggest that as we waited, we could play a game of "pour water on our hands and slap one another." The dosage had been spot on. He was gone. At this moment, those closest to him re-thought their choice of proximity. Inadvertently, that was one name off the "To kill list." Bad and News were in Business. Upon realization, Bad and News rewarded Ms Gravy with a plateful of goat's meat. I know you're thinking she turned it down, but on consulting with her Rasta partner in crime, it was decided that the meat shall be eaten. Before Bad could take to the DJ's box, he and News moved around, registering buyers of the Bad News Bible, while handing out "cups of life" to the convinced consumers. The DJ played Sinach's "I know who I am" or what many called "Etendo" and even the dead (at the hands of Bad and News) resurrected. They were, apparently, living a life of favor. They were not about to be stopped. By the time Mr Bad became DJ, the damage had been done. With every tune he played, the crowd was sent into a frenzy, Topsy-Turvy moves.

Again, without invitation, the rain made it's way to the party. Many had sought refuge in their tents but when the announcement of pork getting ready was made, Ms Gravy was the first to leave her tent to get served. She got her plate and disappeared again. She was followed by a host of others, but these other ones stayed. As expected, the Bad News shop was open for business. This was the birth of the Wet Party. Everything was happening under a semi permanent shelter. All the merry making, dancing, with a little rain or not so little rain falling on you. It was fun being young again. Dancing in the rain, while sipping on the potion made by Gravy. This would go on for close to two hours. Their biggest victim was Ms. Spellbound though. She had been a zombie from the get go. The Wet party being a deserved climax to the first public appearance of Bad and his sidekick, News.